Author Topic: Complicated Friendship  (Read 675 times)

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Complicated Friendship
« on: April 30, 2017, 18:15:21 PM »
Hello everyone,

I have a best friend but every now and then we end up fighting because of trivial things. Actually having spent so many years with her I think I have understood how she is. So, what happens is that I am a very humorous person. I like making people laugh and I crack jokes very often. But this particular friend who is so close to me ends up fighting with me very often. I joke instinctively and say some things which offend her maybe because of the cultural gaps. She always becomes defensive when I say anything to her. She always misunderstands me and gets angry about something which I didn't intend to say. Its not that she doesn't crack jokes about me she also does that but I take them lightly. So, she can't listen to anything that I say about her but always says things to me which if I say to her she'll definitely get mad. She always talks to me about certain aspects of people that she doesn't like and I always tell her that diversity is very important the people can't be the way she wants them to be. They have their own characters and personalities and that she should not always be saying "I don't like such people, why do they do this or why do they not do this" Most of the things she says that she doesn't like I find them to be a bit strange but completely normal given the different cultures and types of people. So if I say that she is overreacting she gets offended and defensive. She is very opinionated, scornful and thin-skinned. When her teachers or mentors give her a lecture about what she has done wrong or should have done, she listens to them but vents it out on me saying how they were being so unkind. And then again I tell her that it is fine they are just trying to help her and not criticising her in a negative way. But she can't seem to take criticism though always criticises me. She seems judgemental, dominating and wants everything her way. She sometimes wants the people to act the way she wants. If I am criticising some thing about her being a very close friend she makes me shut up. She doesn't want to take any criticism this happens when she is in a fine mood but if she's not then we'll definitely end up quarrelling. She acts entitled. She said that I speak rudely with her sometimes. Because we are sister like friends we talk about everything and the way we talk with our siblings. But when my voice goes a little high she finds it offensive and rude even if I'm not trying to be. Then if I get angry with her and tell her that she shouldn't have said a certain thing, she plays the victim and starts crying. Once I was angry about something she had said to me and I wasn't talking like before so she asked "are you angry with me?" I said well not exactly but its just that you are always criticising me and then she started crying as if I had said something wrong and I couldn't see her crying, I can't see anyone crying I started pacifying her forgetting totally about my own madness. I can never get her to apologise for her actions. I have never heard a sorry from her mouth except once. She lacks empathy. I remember when I fell sick she didn't come to see me and when she came she didn't behave as if she was concerned at all that I was ill. On the other hand whenever she is sick or even has a headache or cold I'm always by her side pampering her. I think I have spoilt her with my affection and she has started taking me for granted.
She always comes to me for help, advice or when she needs company, someone to talk to. But when I need her she is either on her phone whatsApping or just not with me virtually. She seems emotionally stingy. I think she's a narcissist.

The problem is that she is the only person who is so close to me and she is the only person that hurts me the most. When things are fine we look like the happiest best of friends until the time she gets offended or becomes defensive. I don't expect her to give me the same affection and respect that I give to her but I don't think that I deserve her rude and unfair behaviour. Recently she got angry about something which I didn't even intend to say she misunderstood me yet again. I feel I'm tired of explaining myself to her each and every time. Every time I resolve to stay away from her when such things happen but then I need her because I love her like a sister and she also needs me. I tell myself every time that I shouldn't get too attached to her but then again we find ourselves so close to each other and the vicious cycle appears. I get emotional and then I get hurt and I believe she also gets hurt. But I just don't know what to do to come out of it. We can't stay away from each other and when we are together and every thing seems good an argument takes place usually tearing me apart. I can't get on with my life as if nothing happened but she somehow forgets about everything.
I feel helpless. Please give me some advice how I can let this not affect me and come out of it.  :(

Thanks in advance.